The Draconian Dictator by Joseph Mariani and Colin Ma

I live in land which is far away

And so very small

I live in a land of many people

Who have no freedom at all

We have a leader who is tyrant

He takes away everything at our expense

Yet always cares

When things get intense

We have no freedom none at all

But we have safety to go around

We have good food and shelter too

But its what are freedom’s are bound

He is too strong

And we cannot be saved

Only you can help us

By the hero’s road you have paved

Or we will all perish in our graves

A Commercial by Joseph Mariani, Colin Ma, and Nicholas Song

Person 2: (holds and shows off new headphones)

Person 1: ee-oh-Weird noise*  Don’t you love that noise?

Person 2: Well now you can listen to that noise 24/7 with our *Over Exaggerated Gasp*

REVOLUTIONARY headphones!!!

Person 1: Listen to it while you walk, listen to it while you sleep, listen to it during school.

Person 2: And now with our special superglue, you can’t take them off!

Person 2: New high tech allows us to have a volume up button! No volume down button!

Person 1: So yeah! BUY IT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Person 2: Only available in Syria, and North Korea. Each atom sold separately, much

assembly required. No building instructions for the headphones!

Person 1: ONLY 999 payments of $999 each atom. PLUS TAX (100% tax)

Person 2: ee-oo-Weird noise*!!!

Person 1: Sponsored by tide pocket filled with hot pockets. Tide Pods. The forbidden fruit.

The Skit by Joseph Mariani, Colin Ma, and Nicholas Song

Announcer: The Price is Right! (followed by applause)

Announcer: Today we enter the final round. WOOOOOOOOOOO. We have two contestants Sam and Pat . Tell us about yourself Sam.

Sam: Well I am from Omaha, Nebraska and I live in my mother’s basement only living off of hot pockets, and only coming outside to go to the bathroom.

Announcer: Thats nice now Pat tell us about yourself.

Pat: I am from Hartford, Connecticut and I am a stay at home parent with no kids.

Announcer: Now that we have met our contestants let us enter ( makes dramatic music with his mouth) the final round!

Announcer: Now I will explain the rules. I will show you a set of items and you have to guess their value. And the person who guesses closest will win all those items and $5,000. Are you Ready?

Sam: Yes

Pat: No (with a nervous face and voice)

Announcer: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh! Okay let’s see the items. We have highly explosive fireworks, 900 pounds of durian which is the only fruit in the world that smells like dead bodies, two saltines, a monthly subscription to Fake News Magazine, a lifetime supply of hot pockets, and finally a first edition game of Walk in Circles.

Pat: Hot pockets! Hot pockets! Hot pockets! Hot pockets! Hot pockets! Hot Pockets! ( everytime gets louder and louder.

Announcer: Calm down Pat you will get the hot pockets after you win the game.

Pat: I don’t care (they jumps in a imaginary pile of hot pockets)

Announcer: Pat go back to your area (they say in a stern voice)

Pat: I have to go back to my area ( they say in a childish voice)

Announcer: Okay Sam what is your guess?

Sam: I guess $938 ( holds up $938 sign)

Announcer: Okay Pat what did you guess?

Pat: I Guessed 499 hot pockets (holds up 499 hot pockets sign)

Announcer: Both of you had great answers, but the winner is………...Pat with her guess 499 hot pockets!

Pat: Wooooooooooo! Wooooooooooooooo! Wooooooooooooo(repeat this while pretending to eat hot pockets a running in circles).

Announcer: This is The Price is Right brought to you by tide pod hot pockets. The forbidden froot. Also sponsored by the game Walk in Circles. A game for the lonely.

The Problematic Poem by Joseph Mariani and Colin Ma

I really hate poetry

Yep I really do

It rhymes too much

And leaves others feeling blue

Most poems are problematic

And It goes on for far too long

Without rhythm

Or a song

I know this poem

Seems contradictory

Though this doesn't

Feel like a victory

This poem may

Come to a end

Though I am

Going to mend

I really hate poetry

Yep I really do

Man-Eating Turtles Massacre Louisiana! by Joseph Mariani and Colin Ma

Tragedy has struck the town of St. Tammany, Louisiana when the local police found a severed human finger inside of a snapping turtle’s belly, and this made the residents of the town fear the turtles even more, and the police started investigating this horrifying case. The turtle was fished out of Tchefuncte River and he found a finger inside of the turtle. He reported it to the police and the police deduced that the turtle had bitten someone near where it had been caught. Also that the person the turtle had bitten was probably still alive. This still remains a mystery to who the finger belonged to, but if Anyone with information about the finger is asked to contact the St. Tammany Parish Sheriff’s Office

Satan’s Skull Found in Mexico!!! by Joseph Mariani and Colin Ma

Source:

Twenty-Five years ago scientists discovered thirteen mysterious skulls that are believed to be of demonic origins, and they were found near a small Mexican village called Onavas. Archaeologists were stunned by the mysterious shapes of the skulls, and they called Satan’s skull due to its shape. When it was carbon dated it said that the bones were around a thousand years old. Scientist however now say that the skulls of human origin.

But scientists could not confirm the shape and even more theories have surfaced. Including they are a mix species of human and some alien some scientists say. While some religious people say this confirm that these are skulls of multiple demonic figures. Even after twenty-five years we still don’t have a `definitive answer', and priests and scientists will continue to argue about the answer for as long as humans will be around